The moon is down

It's pretty late right now. I'm just finishing my daily rounds of Houstonhaunts.com work. I suppose most of it is not really hh.com work, but if has to do with Halloween, then it sure does feel like it is part of the overall project.

I really dig the rush of all that is going on. I have to admit, I am really tired tho and the scary part is that I'm not sure when I'm really going to rest again. The last few years have really made me feel like the rest (boredom) was going to be never ending. I got used to it.

Daily doses of inspiration are what keeps me going. I know I shouldn't think of it, but I worry about the days in which there will be no inspiration. I suppose the inspiration is what is so draining...I pull so often from the past. I'm in this huge competition with people from the past. What happens when I forget the pain? What happens when I reach me goal of letting the past go and letting peace take over?

Designing with teeth

Interesting day I must say. I put in a good 10 hours of work for a website. It seems weird how long ago (and far away) it was when I woke up. What a range of emotions. From confident and excited to drab loneliness. From being proud of the design to frustration seeing that the "Halloween" site looks more like a frozen gallery of humans in an Antartic cave...then back. I was mad at ex's, missing people I don't know, feeling bad for those that I do. I was grateful for good love, happy for days past, and insecure about those that I still wonder about.

But in the end, I still loved nudging pictures together until my mind was at ease.

Awgh 23

It is weird now. Things are becoming hollow. I don't feel like I've missed my chance or that I've done something horribly wrong to make all of this happen to me. I don't feel like I'm living in some dream.

I feel bad that I see how much I didn't know her. I see how little time she had. I gave her a hard time for things I really should not have.

There are still many things that I feel could have been different, I pleaded so often...but it seems so late to worry about these things now. I feel frustrated about how much I didn't know.

Long Day

Here's to the end of a long day. Cheers.

I didn't get into any classes today, 6 down, 4 to go. Strangely enough, I really want to get into some classes. Not just because of the (perfectly good, hell, f*ckin' great) reason to want to finish school, but because I think that I want to be a part of what is going on there. I want to be proud that I'm going to UH, I want to feel like I'm an art student again. Today was really a good day even tho I was denied thus far. I liked seeing the people, I liked feeling the heat (and then the cool air of AC).

I feel like I'm in a time machine in some parallel dimension. I feel young and the only thing that makes me feel old is the constant reminder that I'm really not that young any more. I was watching people and then it was like a big red octagon with the number 2 and 9 suddenly would hit my face.

Stranger yet, my mind is strangely gaining a bigger appetite for information. I was reading a friggin' psychology text book the other day...for fun. In one of the art history classes I tried to get into today, I wanted so badly to stay, that way I could rip out my paper and pencil and start consuming the knowledge the professor would soon let rip.

Anyways, I like being there. Many more things are making sense to me from the past. The way we were...the way I was, the way she was...and why it was virtually impossible to meet in the middle.

It really is a different perspective when a person doesn't have time to sulk.

7 years ago? No, today

Today, I go to UH and try to get in classes. Times have now officially changed.

Raze my voice

A beautiful blend of selfish selflessness,
I comprehend what walls to mend,
Am I you or are you me, duh dum da dee,
Boxes and hoaxes a shaping trend,
And a darker day than the night ahead,
I think Ill find sleep out in the shed,
She was kicking and screaming and
using my toes to hear what is dead,
but I walked on and then walked ahead,
no...wait...that was not what I had said,
it was something different,
something in my head.

Nothing is there and see my stomach was not fed,
I had some tea and a pecan pie right before bed,
And nothing still is still what I feel I have said,
After 9 and half hours working with old fred.

Bjorkinating

Woah...the ride is taking a slide,
and 3, 4, 5, there's not much sleep to hide.
her kisses tasted like mineral water,
but dreams are much to abide by,
when real slides make me falter.

yellow strands are strange to imagine,
when I think I know most of the passion,
but I am here and just of the lowly pagin,
nator,
creator,
distinctinator,
dominator,
hater,
and I paid her,
my respects and ran after,
and in passing the test,
I somehow passed the rest,
when a brain conquers to infest.

John Deer Hospital

After spending some time down on UH's campus, we decided to stop by the Jefferson Davis Hospital and take some pictures with our new Canon Power Shot SD400 (Digital Elph) camera. The progress at the JDH site is amazing. The fence is down and we were able to walk up to the structure. Of course we were stopped and asked not to go inside, I assured them that we were innocent. While they weren't looking though, I pressed my face up against the glass to see the interior. Oh what a rebel I am.

Anyways, I'm not a big fan of this type of architecture, but I am finding this building to be attractive. Maybe it is because every time I see this building, it is like seeing time reverse itself. The building no longer seems threatening, it is not finding itself in an aura of glory. Truth be told, I'd like to live there. I'm a starving artist...maybe I qualify.
Click on the pictures above to see some more recent pictures. Has any one else seen the new JDH?

Til 3 in duh mornin

2 PIXELS! Am I crazy?

Desired Constellations

You know, today I was telling a story about when I figured out I was supposed to be a graphic designer.

One day, I was looking thru CD's at some CD shop and noticed that I always fix the CD's on the rack. If they are misplaced, or if they are not put back neatly in their designated spots, I have the unnecessary need to correct the problem. I then realized that there are several areas in my life in which I do this. The pictures in my house have to be level, I basically ignore all my senses when trying to pick out a greeting card, I used to line my CD's up by color so that they produce a nice looking spectrum, my computer's desktop (not to mention my actual desktop) has to be sparkling clean to get any real creative work done. When I'm nervous and at a restaurant, I tear up napkins and create elaborate (balanced) constellations with them. Forget about it when I get a beer in my hand or am playing a game that has many colorful pieces (like Trivial Pursuit).

But back to the CD's. I should get paid every time I go into a CD shop. I probably do more work cleaning the place up than the hired help. I realized that I do this because I want to see order. I want to see everything in their right location...I want to see balance and composition. I knew then that me becoming a designer was good because what my life consists of is balancing the things I see around me.

That reminds me, check this out: www.robinproctorphotography.com/ my friends hired her for their wedding in Colorado. Talk about some really friggin' great composition...but she goes further with the colors and quality of photos. I don't know if this the norm in the wedding photography industry, but she rocks.

Well, whatever, I spent like 5 hours on my houstonhaunts.com site making a few tiny changes (I'm talking the whole site is being reworked for 2 pixels).

Oh yea, and I think Bjork's Vespertine is a bad a** album.

Whiplash

I'm starting to think that to be successful in some ways, you just need to be stubbornly opinionated. The key here is to fight as hard as you can in one direction. Yea, you'll make a bunch of enemies on the way, but you make some great allies. If I sit in the middle of the road, I'm just a muddled puddle of gray...and there is no beauty in that. Throw as hard as I can and I may throw myself off, but no one will ever call me a loser...and if they did, I could care less.

I wear Polo Sport because, dammit, I like the way it smells.

Buht!

Tomorrow is going to suck. More begging for forgiveness. Geez, I'm not a rebel or anything of the sort, but I hate having my fate in someone else's hands. I suppose tho, that this would not have happened had I worked harder...oh...7 whole years ago. I should also think that I am fortunate to have this chance.

Ya know, I was looking at my transcript for the past 10+ years. I noticed a disturbing trend. This is not entirely accurate but my GPA after losing a girlfriend = 1.73. My GPA while times were good or while I didn't have a GF = 3.24.

Hint: Don't plan on dating for another 5 years, because in all honesty, it really isn't worth my time to blow another few semesters.