Raven to crow

I'm in the mood to write music. All I want to do lately is write music. I penned a new one the other day. A nice little ditty currently called Song1. Yep, no title yet mostly because there are no lyrics. No lyrics.

I've had a hard time writing lyrics for...oh...the last 2 years or so. If I am so lucky to write some, then it always only a verse worth. Imagine trying to come back and write another verse to a song you wrote a year ago.

I have these flashes of inspiration, usually when I'm in my truck listening to someone else sing. The singer will conjure up some past memory, or current emotion and that will lead me off into a tangent in my mind. As I dig deeper to resolve or fully embrace that emotion, little snippets of lyrics bubble to the surface. Here's one: "We must a walk a fine line, you and I...blah, blah, blah.." Of course I can't remember the rest, and the ones that I can remember kind of annoy me being out of context.

The key is to be inspired and creative right in front of the computer. Lyrics like the ones (only a verse of course) that I wrote for Spanglish are among my favs "feelings will raise a raven to crow". These small bursts are so short lived and fleeting.

You're the best!

Perhaps I have been too hard on Myspace.com. Tonight, I have found some long lost loves. When I say long...I mean long. I'm talking, late elementary school - middle school stuff. I'm talking 20 years ago...and it's funny, I still remember their not so easy names very easily. Apparently young love is something you don't get over quickly.

Should I even try to explain myself?

Yea, I moved a lot when I was a kid...and this particular stint in Houston is the longest ever in one spot. Almost long enough now, that it seems like a bad dream that we moved so much when I was a kid. It was something like every 2 years. 1st, I was shy and quiet, couple that with a-hole kids from California (ever see Karate Kid?) and POOF! you have crushes that you never forget. For the hell of it, I looked up the 3rd crush I ever had (the ultimate crush of crushes) on myspace.com. And...there she was...I could even recognize her. It was way cool...dude. Wow, man, I used to like this girl so much...haha! I suffered some embarrassing moments in front of her, classmates finding out that I liked her, then asking her if she liked me in front of her. But ultimately, she was still cool to me...and that is why I think I didn't forget her (and her amazingly hard last name to spell).

I decided that to see if I could find the first girl I ever danced with (other than Mom). Over the years, I wondered if perhaps the name I had in my head was incorrect. She was Asian but the last name that stuck in my head all this time was a decidedly non-Asian last name. Of course, I never thought of that when I was a kid. I kind of like the story that goes along with this one. I had my first crush on this skinny kind of nerdy (complete with headgear) girl...I remember thinking I didn't know what to do with this prepubescent attraction, except be overly nice to her to the point where it was very awkward. I remember playing this game and I saw an opportunity to help her out, so I yelled out, "I'm doing this only for your sake!" It was something I remember hearing my parents say to each other so it felt natural. Then, the end of the year came...and the 5th graders had a dance to celebrate their "graduation". I didn't want to go because I...well, because of the same reason I still don't like going much. But, I ended up going because...well, almost for the same reason I still go. I went to see if I could dance with Crush #1 (sorry, can't remember her name). Little did I know that my friend liked Crush #1 as well, and when the dance started, he had the nuts to go up and ask her. I was crushed! No, not really, just slightly disappointed in myself (and so it began...). Anyways, my buddy came back to me and asked me if I would dance with this Crush #1's friend. All I remember is being so nervous, my hands sweating very bad, and wondering if it bothered her that my hands were sweating so bad. There were other thoughts like: "this is not the way my Mom taught me how to dance", "I have to remember this song because I think it is noteworthy because it is the first song I have ever danced to with a girl", and "she's nice". I think I also remember dancing to an LL Cool J song.

So why did she stick in my head for so long?? I think there are a few reasons for that.

1. I got home and Mom was so excited to hear if I got to dance or not. When I told her I did, she told me how important it was and how I would never forget that first song.

2. As nervous as I was on the dance floor, there was something calming about it.

3. I remember this one scene totally separate from that dance. Our class was on our way back from some field trip and I was sitting at the back of the bus with this girl and one of my other friends. I don't remember much from that ride back but that she was so nice to me and I was happy. See, maybe it's the way little kids are, but while I was growing up (mostly in California), all my friends were real asses to me. I got picked on a lot. Being a kid was kind of hard for me. Boohoo. Anyways, just trying to set up the situation in a more dramatic way so it is comparable to way I perceive it in my memory.

4. When I moved back to the same place in California, all the other people in this story were still there (in fact, Crush #1 and my friend that asked her to dance were still "going out"), but Crush #1's friend was gone. It seems like I tried a couple of times to find her, but all attempts failed (and this is also when I first started wondering if I was crazy for looking up an Asian girl with a non-Asian last name).

So? I wasn't wrong with the last name.

Parting thoughts:
It was good to see both of them.
Credit Tamlyn Tomita and Christianne for all my strange leanings.
You're the best, around, and nothing's ever going to keep you down.

Diego Di Teresa

Figures...

Absolutely definite

It is amazing how convinced I am that I am absolutely, definitely, not near anything that I respect. There are certain people out there that absolutely, definitely help me see that. Are they good friends? Because they are absolutely, definitely helpful in my slow and rocky longing for self-respect, but the only real progress is made when I am able to most definitely able to forget my absolute position (Which worries me since I would bet believing you are not "really" here is a way towards insanity, of course I don't take it as far as I just made it sound). Is it absolutely necessary for me to feel like sh*t so that I realize I must continue to work hard? I definitely think that feeling bad helps break my ego, which has absolutely screwed my life over to this point. Man, I absolutely, definitely dislike reveling in my own F'n drama.

To Reduce Risk

East Beach, lack of D,
Wasn't it free? Wake up, breathe!
I've got sand in my eyes, throat, and hair,
time to jump boat and make things fair,
half a year short of four,
she stops, looks, shoots and scores,
she sees no talent seeping from these pores.

all of the skin that holds it in,
is always just a bit short of a sin,
intricate construction cannot defend,
and an attack means simply the end.

Brains translate that they are peers,
and we break it down using our ears,
they have stopped sending armies of tears,
as it hides you from some of your fears.

Skim the facade

Honestly vague

Yesterday should go down in the books as a day to remember. Tense situations, truths spoken, truths witheld, deep breaths, mouths moving (wait a sec, too much drama).

Anyways, it was simply a day of growth for a few people I know and I (me?).

Then some other things happened...and then some other things...

And then Korea beat USA in the WBC Tournament. Oh well, may the team with the most passion win.

Pie tasting contest

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209
749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679821480865132

Man, I just did that by memory, One-Hundred and Thirteen Digits (plus a decimal point). Do I get 5 points on my test too?

cubamericalink

I think this is a good blog post about the Cuban-American situation and the WBC. Many interesting perspectives. By the way, the WBC is the World Baseball Classic, if ya didn't already know.

Poli SICK

With a little Revolution 1 (by the Beatles of course) playing in the background, I want to shoot a little politics.

How do I keep this short and try to make some sort of point? I can't. Sometimes I feel like I'm transforming into my hated enemy, the Democrat. Of course, it must be said that when I say hated, it is kind of like how I hate the New York Yankees. I don't really hate them because it is a privilege that they get to play at all...and I love that...free American's playing a game they love for money.

Anyways, I think sometimes I'm turning into a Democrat. My oh my, what the hell is happening??? Then I think...I'm not really changing. My ideals are still intact, my philosophy is still there...and the craziest thing about it all is that a lot of my Democratic influential peers don't really disagree with my ideals and philosophies much (as far as I can tell). So what's up with that?

I think sometimes that we have lost ourselves in all this Repub/Demo labeling. Tho, I'm still very fresh to politics in general, I'm pretty sure I'm going to find that we are all very lost. I think society's labels of what Repub/Demo are, are old and rather contradictory. So onto the idea of liberalism and conservatism...I was asked one time to explain the 2 straight out. I couldn't do it. I feel like I need to be able to. Yeah?

So, Cuba, U.S., and the WBC.
I am so grateful to baseball and I'm very excited about the WBC...but then I get to a point in my thinking that to support the WBC might mean I'm disrespecting the game.

I just took a good bike ride and I can't finish this now...maybe in another post...but I can say I am definitely questioning the WBC as a positive or necessary tournament.

My end is odd

I'm not in the mood to write an in-depth post...but I am in the mood to write.

I bought 16 12x12 cork squares earlier and placed them on my wall in horizontal rows of 8. What do I have attached to the cork squares? My health care card (which I really should take advantage of), a postcard sent from Breckenridge Colorado, a postcard of Thalia that I picked up while cruising the Westheimer Street Fest a few years ago, and a folded piece of paper with my todo list for houstonhaunts.com.

I want to get a "man bag" from Timbuk2. I want to get one of the "artist" bags with the middle section being made of "artist" canvass. Hmm. I want to waste my time and draw something really cool on it with 4 Sharpies. Small black Sharpie, large black Sharpie, small blue Sharpie, large blue Sharpie.

I saw my perfect tent today. It will be mine.

Today I had to F up a great ad I made on Friday...it hurt me to do so. I do believe it is a good thing that it bothers me less to "sell out" to the man.

Kirby Puckett died today. i knew what the letter was going to say when I saw who it was from.

I'm thinking about starting an "embarrassment" training program.

In my FIST

Wow, what a largely unproductive night. The World Baseball Classic caught my attention and I actually thought about staying up until 1 so I could watch a few innings of Taipei vs Korea. I already know how the game goes up until the 7th inning, so...I think I'll skip out on that one. Besides, the one I really want to see doesn't come on until 3:30. So, my brother and I sat around discussing why college basketball is on ESPN2 instead of the WBC...and then why MLB.TV would black out the games if we decided to purchase them thru that same venue. All the while channel surfing...watching "Secreto Houston", "Family Guy", a Gallery Furniture commercial, and "Sports Center".

So, sometimes taking up smoking is kind of appealing..yea, you heard that right, smoking. Not really tho. Smoking is a wretched habit with a wretched smell. Tho, fresh cut smoke from a cigarette sadly reminds me of good times out on the Pavilion lawn listening to a little Dave. Lieutenant Dan, she tasted like cigarettes.

But you know, there is an attraction to smoking. I find it kinda quirky when somebody says, "I'm going out for a cigarette break." I like quirky things (for the most part, and can't think of anything quirky that I don't like at this moment). It is just...kinda...do I dare say it? Cool, ok? It still has that old school Hollywood coolness to it. You don't get that when they ask me "Where are you going", and I reply, "I'm going out for a walk break." A walk break? It's almost like there is no point to it...not like when a person smokes a cigarette. Hitting that last little bit of it, cheeks pulled in, eyes slanted. I would be such a cool smoker too ya know. I would hold a cigarette like I'm smoking something else and I would look off into the distance pondering what life means. If somebody interrupted me while in my focused day dream, I reply with the utmost confidence, my voice steady and deep, and say, nothing. I would slowly turn to them and look them in the eye...and they would wonder if my look was that of disgust (for breaking my meditation) or that of genuine interest in their disrespectful interruption.

But...smoking isn't cool because it's a waste, and my wasted admiration of it is only of its facade. What kind of a weirdo starts smoking because they think it will make them cool? All smokers I would assume.