Frustration
This year will end up much different than how it started. There seems to be things that will burst because they can't stay the way they are for any longer. I can't say it any simpler than this: It is time for my family to grow up.
My brother says he can just turn it on when he feels like it is time, I ask, why not now?
Theme 1: Frustration
Ironically, I got frustrated when I was trying to convey ways out of frustration. The conversation got excruciatingly detailed. Down to the point where we looked at frustration as two separate experiences. 1. The initial flare up of a frustrating situation and 2. What we do with that frustration. But for this post, I figured, I should look up the word frustration. Maybe it can give me further insight...
1. To prevent from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire; thwart.
2. To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in.
3. To make ineffectual or invalid; nullify.
The example we were using tonight was this: Suppose you were on a two lane road, you were in a rush, and you got stuck behind two drivers driving ten mph too slow.
The dictionary.com definitions make sense here. If I were stuck behind these drivers, my accomplishment of getting where I want to be is being thwarted. I would feel discouragement and I would be baffled as to why these drivers are driving so slow. Am I ineffectual or invalid to my purpose if I am stuck behind these drivers? Maybe to my boss, date, doctors appointment, etc.
I think frustration is ineffective in itself. I think it is useless. And in the middle of negotiations (Beatles lyric), my brothers brought up the idea that only Jesus could possibly endure this situation without frustration. We then were quick to point out that even he was not immune (hmmm...). "We are not perfect, so why should we expect to be?" I hate it when this is an argument. We should always strive to be perfect! This is what I've admired in others before, and despised in even more.
Regardless, I had a hard time imagining that I could ever get over the initial flare up of most frustrating situations. I want to believe that I could, but I just don't see it. So the other part of frustration is whether we decide to stay frustrated or if we find an option. It was argued that we cannot control that either. But I disagree wholly, I think finding an out is what gives us peace. I'm not talking about being passive necessarily, I'm talking about attempting to find the best approach to any given situation. If being aggressive, fighting, etc is the best...then by all means, kick ass. Of course, if it is your last option.
Perhaps with the right amount of practice in controlling the reaction from that initial frustration (thwarting of purpose, discouragement) we lose that first flare up as well. You could possibly see the situation formulating, take the necessary steps to prevent the frustration (or even the situation) and an inner flash point never occurs.
My brother says he can just turn it on when he feels like it is time, I ask, why not now?
Theme 1: Frustration
Ironically, I got frustrated when I was trying to convey ways out of frustration. The conversation got excruciatingly detailed. Down to the point where we looked at frustration as two separate experiences. 1. The initial flare up of a frustrating situation and 2. What we do with that frustration. But for this post, I figured, I should look up the word frustration. Maybe it can give me further insight...
1. To prevent from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire; thwart.
2. To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in.
3. To make ineffectual or invalid; nullify.
The example we were using tonight was this: Suppose you were on a two lane road, you were in a rush, and you got stuck behind two drivers driving ten mph too slow.
The dictionary.com definitions make sense here. If I were stuck behind these drivers, my accomplishment of getting where I want to be is being thwarted. I would feel discouragement and I would be baffled as to why these drivers are driving so slow. Am I ineffectual or invalid to my purpose if I am stuck behind these drivers? Maybe to my boss, date, doctors appointment, etc.
I think frustration is ineffective in itself. I think it is useless. And in the middle of negotiations (Beatles lyric), my brothers brought up the idea that only Jesus could possibly endure this situation without frustration. We then were quick to point out that even he was not immune (hmmm...). "We are not perfect, so why should we expect to be?" I hate it when this is an argument. We should always strive to be perfect! This is what I've admired in others before, and despised in even more.
Regardless, I had a hard time imagining that I could ever get over the initial flare up of most frustrating situations. I want to believe that I could, but I just don't see it. So the other part of frustration is whether we decide to stay frustrated or if we find an option. It was argued that we cannot control that either. But I disagree wholly, I think finding an out is what gives us peace. I'm not talking about being passive necessarily, I'm talking about attempting to find the best approach to any given situation. If being aggressive, fighting, etc is the best...then by all means, kick ass. Of course, if it is your last option.
Perhaps with the right amount of practice in controlling the reaction from that initial frustration (thwarting of purpose, discouragement) we lose that first flare up as well. You could possibly see the situation formulating, take the necessary steps to prevent the frustration (or even the situation) and an inner flash point never occurs.
posted by Michael | 10:13 PM
11 Comments:
["We are not perfect, so why should we expect to be?" I hate it when this is an argument. We should always strive to be perfect! This is what I've admired in others before, and despised in even more.]
i know, i know... this is not the basis or the heart of what you're saying but sorry, it's what stuck out to me (rather it stopped my reading).
people should never strive TO BE perfect, but they can strive for perfection (say like to reach an outcome).
i hate/strongly dislike/find it extremely disturbing when people say they're striving for perfection.
it kinda makes a person seem not real or untouchable? i'll praise a person's efforts for perfection, but never their entire being if it's all they ever intend to be. i think those people represent a whole 'nother class - better known as envy.
Michael, quit being vague and be real: What are you frustrated about? Post everything, without looking back.
Writing it down will only solve it faster for you.
Hmmm...I'm not really feeling the difference between striving TO BE perfect and striving for perfection. Then, you say that they can strive for perfection, but that you find it disturbing when they do strive for perfection. Err, I'm not understanding really well, what you are getting at there.
But beyond that, I think I see what you are saying. Please, correct me if you think I am mistaken. I think we say someone is perfect, then they seem untouchable...maybe even "high and mighty." We possibly even see them as being arrogant and unreachable. I think there are 2 reason for this perception. 1. These "perfect" people seem uppity because we take offense to their striving. We compare ourselves to them and don't understand their motivation and see them as plastic. 2. These "perfect" people only portray perfection. We see thru them and see that they are not being loyal to themselves. "Perfect" for someone else's world. Thus, they are "unreal" as you have said.
I feel though, that I am not talking about striving for perfection thru the eyes of society.
I'm talking about being as perfect as possible in accomplishing your own goals, hence, striving to be perfect.
a perfect person and someone striving to reach perfection in something that they CHOSE to do are two totally different things.
a person striving for perfection, in order to reach a goal, is refreshing to life and the spirit because they've got their eyes and heart set on something with considerable meaning.
a so-called perfect person, someone who has already dutifully appointed themselves, sucks the life out of everything because they pride themselves on believing that they HAVE and ARE everything.
Yea, I'm feeling you better on this comment K, but I think a so called perfect person is obviously not perfect because they drown in their pride. I think a perfect person is unaware of pride. Pride is proof to a person that they ARE someone in the world. It's proof that they ARE important. A perfect person doesn't need to prove anything to themselves...they already know it. I think a perfect person would also lack the need to prove to others that they are important. I would suspect that a perfect person would generally go unnoticed and would never be the cause of any drama. I also think a perfect person would not necessarily consider themselves perfect...there is always more to learn and experience...they would understand this.
Anonymous, I hate writing posts that are even as long as the last couple. I have to somehow make some sort of point/progress/note for myself before my attention span times out. And...I'll try to be more real.
Quite important.
Sorry for butting in but i think this is an interesting topic. Oh and im a couple of days late also... so yeah :D. A lot of stuff you guys are saying is reminding me of my religion, first i disagree with Ken I believe everyone should strive to be "perfect." Yes, perfection may never be fully realized but trying to reach that state is the whole idea. perfection in anything, writing a good story, making an a, making someone happy, all these things are on the path to perfection. I dont know what you define as perfection, but in our religion, as you guys said, no one is perfect, not the Prophets, not the highest of the Imams, no one is, but making that our goal will help us to keep on the path that will get us to the nearest point of that. (dont know if anything im saying is making sense, but i feel like writing so ill go on). I also disagree with you guys when you say that a person who is perfect is untouchable. I think someone so perfect, so right, so picturesque, would be the person most wanted, most wanted to be like. everyone would strive to befriends such a human, strive to be them. Okay lets go back to religion, michael said how his brother said Jesus would be the only one to endure it.. or something like that... Jesus was near perfect, some define him as perfection, and is he untouchable? Millions of people strive to be more like him every single day, many people wish to strive to do half of what he did... thats what perfection is... a goal.. maybe you can reach it... but i think it was always remine in our minds to keep us going to the place we "should" be going. I dont know if anything i said right now made any sense.. yeah.. :)
I'm so happy you said all that Misbah! You said it better than me. =)
I was going to be an outsider of this discussion, but Misbah reminded me of my sister.
[Yes, perfection may never be fully realized but trying to reach that state is the whole idea. Perfection in anything, writing a good story, making an a, making someone happy, all these things are on the path to perfection.] I like this definition.
Perfection, personally; is related to passion. My sister is a singer. She has a beautiful voice, but she never tries hard to practice, so she’s still a "B" singer. She blames that she is not lucky. I get mad at her so many times because she never strives for practicing to perform a song beautifully and passionately mixing smoothly with vocal techniques. I get mad because she never tries her best to get closed to the perfection, and always says that she’s not perfect. Do not expect too much from her.
It is not right to say that it is ok if we get a "B" when we know that we might be able to get an "A" and just because we never do our best, blaming that human being is not perfect. Giving all our heart, our passion to get closed to perfection is a right thing we should never stop doing even though it is very hard to get near to that point. In fact, in many things, we never strive; we never know whether or not we are able to be perfection.
[ I think we say someone is perfect, then they seem untouchable...maybe even "high and mighty." We possibly even see them as being arrogant and unreachable.] I agree with Michael. I believe that it is only the passionate perfection person that makes this world be more beautiful, meaningful or worthwhile. We should appreciate this person.
However, " perfection may be never fully realized." Therefore, it is not good pushing ourselves to be perfect TOO MUCH. It's not right either to expect from other people being perfect if they do not want to be. These could cause frustration and depression. In fact, some people are able to get perfection, but some others are not. On the other hand, no one is perfect, but every one is able to get closed to perfection. I always remember that " M is able to make an A; do not expect T makes an A as M does." Everyone is different "level", or has his/ her own value. If we can get through it, we can see his/her "perfection."
what's interesting is that no matter how many times i read this (and i have done so a lot because most of you know my reading comprehension often gets the best of me because i'll make myself see/read what i want to), but it's obvious that i'll never see eye-to-eye with any of u on this. something which i presume is just going to have to be okay.
i'll read a comment, make an attempt to agree, but by the time i finish the statement, I grow complex all over again.
i think the heart of my understanding lies with my own experiences of perfectionists or people thereof trying (feverishly) to *actually accomplish those things (*and by actually, i'm commenting about those who beat up themselves and those around them toward their efforts to perfection) -- so yeah it seems more negative to me the more i think about it because i find myself thinking about those particular people.
somewhere along the way i feel like this has become an acceptable way of life and "real" people aren't that way... at least my people aren't. to me it seems like a pulsating move towards disaster, especially in cases on eating disorders, children or overall goals of monetary or high status satisfaction.
it's not so great to me and i can't deal with ur comments considering those things. i can only hope that u guys understand that.
I respect your point of view K. I still think, tho, that we actually agree, but it is just being conveyed correctly.
1. Perfectionist might be striving for perfection, but how perfect are they if they lose sight of their passion? In another words, are they perfectionist because they want someone else to see they are perfect? To me that is not striving to be perfect.
2. I think people that do a good job at striving for perfection are not "feverish" in their pursuit. To me, "feverish" implies the lack of peace. A perfect striving to be perfect is thru peace.
3. Beating up people around you is not perfect. But if they are doing it in a correct manner because they care about you...it is possible you see it as taking a beating because you don't want to be better. It is easier to stand up for yourself (and be honest) if you are going in the right direction...your actions become justifiable.
4. I don't see many people striving to be perfect in the way I'm talking about it. I see a lot of people trying to perfect in the eyes of other people.
5. Eating disorders, the negative effects of money and high status are not about being perfect for yourself, but to prove something to someone else. Do you seriously believe that it feels good to have a eating disorder?? I believe (tho I could be wrong) that these sacrifices of positive health are so that other people can be pleased. It has nothing to do with striving for perfection. Striving for good health is definitely something else.
6. "Real" people don't make a scene or lie about themselves. The don't need to. People you see as outwardly striving for perfection tell you all about it. I think if I was a "real" person and was happily on my way to being alot closer to perfect than I am now, then I wouldn't ever written the original post in the first place. I would know it, I wouldn't need to say it.
7. Maybe you can't deal with some of the comments here because you don't want to see the truth. Like when someone calls for advice and then doesn't like what the advisor says.
In the end, I simply can't believe that you believe mediocrity is something to strive for. I think I know you well enough, you want change, you want happiness, you want progress too.
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