Post Christmas depression
Man, I really question the giving of gifts sometimes. Sometimes I think that the Jehovah Witnesses are really onto something with the whole not giving gifts thing (even tho my reasons are somewhat different). On to a tangent a bit...I hate the fact that the one thing Witnesses are known for is not celebrating birthday's. I am embarrassed to say that I don't know more. Can someone fill me in? Why don't Witnesses celebrate birthdays, Christmas, New Years, holidays? What else makes Witnesses different from other forms of Christianity?
Anyways, for my birthday, I had a really hard time accepting gifts from friends. There was a combination of reasons for why I didn't want to even celebrate it.
1. I am embarrassed that I still live at home at the age of 29. I don't care what anybody says, and what excuses I can come up with for me still being here (which I feel are somewhat legitimate) I am still embarrassed. In fact, I have vowed not to celebrate another birthday until I move out.
2. I feel like I didn't celebrate 2 (actually more) of my friends birthday's properly. I completely missed one. Duh. Not celebrating mine felt like some sort of payback.
So I rejected a person's wish to go and celebrate my birthday. I thought I did the right thing. I explained my reasons, it made sense to me. So, I didn't understand when they got angry. I reasoned, that if birthday's are so important to this person, then they should be able to accept my wish not to celebrate it. I didn't know that she had gifts for me. And that is how I understand her side of the story.
It sucks to have someone reject your gifts. I honestly didn't care if they didn't have a gift for me. Now the gift sits here like some soul in limbo. Neither here not there, Hell nor Heaven. I can't keep it, I already have it. I can't give it to someone else, because it wasn't for them. And now, I don't want the person who it was intended for, to have it either.
But enough with that...I have to admit, again, that I think I deserve this bit of payback...for reasons not previously discussed.
Anyways, for my birthday, I had a really hard time accepting gifts from friends. There was a combination of reasons for why I didn't want to even celebrate it.
1. I am embarrassed that I still live at home at the age of 29. I don't care what anybody says, and what excuses I can come up with for me still being here (which I feel are somewhat legitimate) I am still embarrassed. In fact, I have vowed not to celebrate another birthday until I move out.
2. I feel like I didn't celebrate 2 (actually more) of my friends birthday's properly. I completely missed one. Duh. Not celebrating mine felt like some sort of payback.
So I rejected a person's wish to go and celebrate my birthday. I thought I did the right thing. I explained my reasons, it made sense to me. So, I didn't understand when they got angry. I reasoned, that if birthday's are so important to this person, then they should be able to accept my wish not to celebrate it. I didn't know that she had gifts for me. And that is how I understand her side of the story.
It sucks to have someone reject your gifts. I honestly didn't care if they didn't have a gift for me. Now the gift sits here like some soul in limbo. Neither here not there, Hell nor Heaven. I can't keep it, I already have it. I can't give it to someone else, because it wasn't for them. And now, I don't want the person who it was intended for, to have it either.
But enough with that...I have to admit, again, that I think I deserve this bit of payback...for reasons not previously discussed.
posted by Michael | 11:48 AM
2 Comments:
I hope in '06, you can come to grips with the past and let yourself be free.
Be happy, regardless of what is going on in your life, Michael.
We make our own hell-- put your fires out and focus on making things better.
I like that..."The truth is the most beautiful gift you can receive." It would be nice to be able to appreciate the truth as such a beautiful gift. I hope I can get my head around this thought, I'd like these particular gifts to be better. =)
Thank you Anonymous for your '06 wish. The past sucks. I have this overwhelming sense that the past always needs to be paid for... and if it isn't compensated then I'm betraying it and the people that live there. When I do get to disconnect the past from my present, then I quickly undervalue the the objects in the present. Err. I feel like I'm drowning in excuses. Thank you again. =)
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