2 am

It's almost 2 a.m. and I'm not naked but the smell of the baking powder that I put on my carpet is driving me insane. I remember an apartment in which I used this stuff a lot because I hate cats. No, I don't hate them, just wish I had never met one.

Going back to work tomorrow, had a job today. I'm stuck now. I wish time would stand still for a bit and allow me to finish this damn CD. My ability to create has now been rudely scorned since I supposedly need to get a life. I think Dad was right.

So I let him listen to the work I've done tonight. I hardly have any finger nails left. His comments?

1. "What is all that noise at the beginning there?" It is rain Dad, but I suppose you can't hear that because of these stupid speakers (yea, blame it on the speakers).

2. Random humming...particularly on songs like June 23rd, Porch and S-Ghettos(the latest title for Spaghettios)

3. "Did you make that sound?" Yep. "You can make that sound with your program?" Yep.

4. "Oh that is interesting." In reference to the effect I added to my voice during Alcohol.

So, not a bad showing.

Gorillas and Crickets

Just waiting, thought I'd recall the little that I did this week(end).

1. I finished new versions of Gorilla and Crickets. A lot of drum work. I'm not a drummer tho, so, I have very little idea of how good or bad they sound now.

2. Created copies of a song called "Long, Long Ago" for a friend to a CD. She's going singing for a grade at the end of the semester. Good luck to her...hopefully I will be able to go check that out.

Ya know, there has never been a hesitation in my mind whether or not I would see that. Makes me wonder why I have such a hard time getting people to come see me play sometimes. Maybe I just suck. That's cool.

April Nineteen

1. Fixed up the blog section of my HoustonHaunts site so it has these cool little icons next to each post.

2. Worked on "The Day the Gorilla Died" today. Man I love this song. The drums I originally put in have sounded more and more 80's as time goes on. I'm trying to fix that minor problem.

3. The Rangers and The Astros both won. Rock on!

4. Discovered a singer named Anna Nalick today thru iTunes. Dude, she rocks. Saw her video and got goosebumps on my skin when all the music in the background died out and she sang:

"2am and I'm still awake writing this song,
If i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me,
threating the life it belongs to,
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd,
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud,
And I know that you'll use them however you want to."

At Bat

Each day is definitely like a baseball at-bat.

Sports are very mentally based. It is true that one must have the physical ability to play, but I believe that physicality is not as important as I used to think.

Look at guys like David Eckstein, Ivan Rodriguez, ICHIRO! All small in stature but definitely threats. All told that they couldn't make it because they were too small (I actually I don't know about all but definitely Eckstein). I remember when I was told I was too small. I remember when they told my brother that he couldn't play because he had never been on a baseball team before his senior year. Luckily he was allowed to try out, but that was worth nothing since the coaches already knew who they were going to pick. I heard that this happened to another guy we play with recently.

I slowly got off subject. I watched my brother make error after error on Sunday. I saw another guy get a strike out over and over again. Both players are much better than they showed. My bro rarely makes an error and that guy rarely misses a ball. It made me think about how often people get in good or bad streaks. I think about a guy like Luke Scott and see how he hit so great in spring training but seems like he is about to be the odd man out (when Berkman comes back) now that he has made it to the majors. I'm sure people have said it a billion times, but it is so hard to remember...dont think about your last at-bat, don't think about your next. I think that so many slumps are the product of a detiorating mentality.

I know that every time I come up to bat, I think about how I'm going to try to be just as good as I was in my last at-bat. Or I'm going to try to hit it to the opposite field this time as compared to last at-bat. Or I'm going to try to hit a single this time unlike my last at-bat. Simply put, we hold our past successes and failures in too high a regard. Every at-bat should have a life of its own, each at-bat should be an individual in a way. Maybe a batter should even consider each swing as seperate...only giving a small amount of periphery attention to their position in the count.

Don't get me wrong, history is very important. History allows us to avoid future mistakes, but pondering our success and failures is simply stupid. We should approach every day like this. We should take our losses in stride, possibly think about why they happened, remember to avoid the mistake and forget that you ever failed in the first place. Every day, every at-bat can hold incredible life. What good is it if we are thinking about our last at-bat if we can't savor the moment when the ball cracks off the bat right now?

There was never a curse in Boston, just a bunch of guys thinking about nearly a century worth of mistakes.

Slipping to Bitter Mint

You know, I don't have much to say. So, I think I'll post a "writing" and a pic.

Bitter Mint
4-5-4
We went and played the twisty sport of foosball,
my friend, did I tell you he’s kinda tall?
We then received a call from an old friend,
Then met him and had a brew around the bend.
In the bar where we met him was a band,
Two guys with acoustics, I quickly became a fan,
Playing several songs from The Beatles and Radiohead,
I sometimes decided not to talk and listen to the music instead.
From there we went to a club called the Red Door,
And there were a lot of people on the opened air 2nd floor.
We just stood there looking at all the “pretty” people,
I wondered why my attempts to talk to them would appear feeble.
There was a girl there that my friend, Brent, knew I would like,
She was cute, but there was no real reason for my heart to spike,
The reason I’m telling you is because of how my pal said it,
And from now on I think I’m going use the label because it seemed to fit,
He said, “check the girl, the dragon from Kimono”
When I say it now, I think of the wife of the Beatle of Ono,
Anyways, we went home and watched a movie,
I’m still qouting it, “they killed killer, B!”
The next morning my buddy woke me, I was asleep on the couch,
He asked if I wanted breakfast, from his ex-girlfriend the grouch,
Not really, but I was quiet, I just decided be cool and went with it,
I kinda wanted to go home, my mouth smelled like a dirty arm pit.
I got some gum and after breakfast we went and shoot some hoops,
In a 1 on 1, I would surely lose with WNBA star Sheryl Swoops.
But I had tonz of fun and continued on with my day,
Oh yea, I also played some tennis, but anyway…
At that point we were hungry again and decided to go to Niko Niko’s,
My first time to visit, I played it safe and ordered one of their gyros,
By the way, if you’ve never been, you need to go have one!
We sat outside and ate under a table unbrella under the sun.
Then we went back to his apartment and watched another movie,
“Mr. Deeds” this time, did you know the theme song is from the DMB?
The DMB is an insider’s acronym for the Dave Matthew’s Band,
The song always reminds me of T and our big plan,
Oh well, from there we met Juan and his wife for a night on Main,
It was cool, we talked about our old band and the song of Jane,
We went to an Irish pub and they were playing U2,
Geez, U2 is so much better than the music rapper’s spew.
From there it was on to another bar called the Hub,
It’s more of a small dance club instead of a pub,
The ceilings were low and this girl started talking to me,
About how blue bonnets make Texas look favorably,
Brent got the cool one, an architecture major from Rice,
But it’s okay, my blue bonnet from PA was still pretty nice.
We left there and went to an upscale pad coined the Mercury Room,
They started playing reggae and it was cool past the bass and the boom,
Beautiful distractions abound, but shyness is not something newly found,
Even a girl stood next to me for a long while, and I did nothing, not even a smile.
From there we went to an all night New York styled deli,
A turkey and cheese sandwich is what I chose to fill my belly.
I heard my favorite song of the moment while we were eating,
Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s has a sound of a bittersweet sting.
Waking today, I finally went home feeling the refreshed air under a clipped wing.

Fer Levuls

How do I put this???

Let us say that you love playing guitar (I should be more creative)...ummm, ok, let’s say you like drinking RC Cola (I have an empty can next to my monitor).

Let us say that you just started this great RC Cola relationship last week.

Let us say that you have then proceeded to tell one of your friends about your newly found passion for the soft drink...by the way, why in the world is called "soft?"

Let us say then that at some not too distant future the same friend you have shared your passion with now decides to let you know of their newly found love for Big Red.

You immediately notice that your friend has just displayed a flare for liquids that they have never showed before and you think to yourself: They couldn't possibly be trying to out do me or show some sort of competitive likeness for sodas, are they??

You think about how you feel stupid for feeling paranoid about your dear old pal, and decide that you have just made a mistake in judgment...

but then again...

That particular friend has always seemed to duplicate your hobbies, loves, passions and sometimes exceeded your ability and knowledge in those areas (not that anybody is jealous...yea right).

You then have a choice of how to react to the situation.

These are the 4 levels of reaction.

Level 1: Competition
Level 2: Pride
Level 3: Pity
Level 4: Indifference

These are the 4 levels of reaction explained.

Level 1: The level of competition. This is where a person decides to engage in a mental war with another person over who's actually more passionate about any one subject. This level breeds hatred and a lack of self-esteem. The person see that can of RC Cola as a source of pride and individuality that they don't want taken away. They need it to feel like a real person. They can only be the real thing if they drink a Coke tho...Just kidding, Get it? Real thing? Coke? Ha? Whatever. Anyways, this is the most destructive level for a person to be in. Not only are they trying to prove something to themselves, but often further the lack of peace thru hatred of the person they are competing with.

Level 2: I never really knew of a level 2 for most of my life. I suppose I heard of it from time to time when Mom told my little brother to remember that kids that pick on him are actually jealous of him. But that really just brought about more laughter when he would recite it to me when I was giving him a hard time. I never really knew it until recently, when the paranoia (that friends were competing with me) almost drove me nuts. I realized that I could derive pride from the fact that they often pursued my small interests further than me. On paper it seemed easy. Just look at the fact that they think of you in such high regard that they think your interests are merit investigation. A second way of looking at it is that they simply think you are a worthy competitor. Of course, it wasn't easy to feel happy about how they were outshining me even if I was the one that had the ability to push them down that course. So...

Level 3: I needed to see beyond pride...besides, I knew pride is not exactly the best thing to hold on to. I mean, doesn't Yoda preach against it? Pride is a selfish existence. If for one moment you were to look at why they would want to compete against you at all, you would see something important.

I believe that any person that actually believes in themselves doesn't have the constant overwhelming need to say that they do. They already know they believe and they don't need anybody else to believe that they believe in themselves. I would guess that people who believe in themselves go thru life mostly unnoticed... ironically, they are the ones who make the biggest differences in our world as well.

So, when I thought about why someone would constantly be competing with me, I realized that they have no foundation. They lack any real individuality. From this thought springs pity. It is even possible to feel pity for the friend who copies your moves even if their intention is no where near competing. You see in them that they have are still looking for themselves and what makes them unique. I pity the fool!

Level 4: Pity brings me down. I don't want to feel sorry for the guy that is trying to steal my identity. The ultimate way to compete and believe in yourself is thru indifference. These people do not deserve our time or sympathy. We do not need to siphon pride from these people to know who we are. When we have reached indifference we have started focusing on our passions. When we have focused on our passions we start living. When you have made it to level 4 you will not know it.

People are only their passions.

Apply the 4 levels to anything. Like...your boss that can't get over calling you out on every occasion they get. I mean, what is the deal? Right? A good boss that believes in themselves does not push people down to lift themselves up.

2 for 2

So, I think I have lost my mind and I am feeling guilty. I have spent aproximately 16 hours in the last 2 days doing some sort of baseball related activity. So far I can say that I have attended every single official game the Astros have played this season. I have spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out why I couldn't watch the Texas Rangers game on their opening day and then spent 4 or so more hours watching them beat the Angels in a 12 inning game.

Why am I feeling guilty? Because I can compare watching so many hours of baseball to my brother wasting his time playing video games. Not to mention that it costs way too much to eat at the ballpark when I have so little money.

Here are some highlights:

1. I actually caught a ball! No, it wasn't in a game and it was only batting practice, but geez, it is like a dream. I just stuck my glove out there and SNAP it was in there. I didn't have time to get nervous about it. No, I don't know who hit it...only that it was an Astro.

2. I saw The Wizard pitch for the first time...and he lost, no biggie.

3. I saw a couple of knuckleheads pick on an old guy because he wanted sit down...assholes...it's a long story.

4. I saw a couple of knuckleheads get into a yelling match about how much they tipped the beer guy...and the knuckleheads were actually there together, they were friends. Apparently I don't appreciate my friends enough.

5. Saw the Astros win, mainly because of a Mike Lamb triple.

6. Saw the Rangers win, mainly because of a Soriano Homerun

Geez, and to add to my guilt, I actually wrote a blog about it.

In other news...

I re-recorded a few parts of The Untouched Bridge.
I need to stop playing so many "video games."